Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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