When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
