i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
