No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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