Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize