Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
