Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
