i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
