Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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