Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
