Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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