How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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