I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
