i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
