i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
