I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
