yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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