I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
