ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
