I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
