Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry about my life...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
