My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
