the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
