I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize