We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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