I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize