i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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