i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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