i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
