I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
