I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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