hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
