He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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