I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
