Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
