probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
