hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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