i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
