i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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