Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
