Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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