Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
