but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
