I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
