I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
