I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
