and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
