I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
