dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
