There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
