I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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