i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
