apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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