So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize