Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize