I can't breathe out the right side of my face
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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