Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
