I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
