Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
