I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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