So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
