I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
