so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
