Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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