You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
