there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
