So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
