What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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