fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
