i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
