I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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