and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
