just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
