Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
