somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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