They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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