Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize