Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
