his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
