I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
