she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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