Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
