you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
