how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
