my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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