Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
