the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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