All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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