I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
