do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize