You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
