Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
