Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
