does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
