he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
