you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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