very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
