ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
