so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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