tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
